Whenever something falls …it breaks. I fell in love and I got broken. I’m never going to fall in love again.
I was used to waking up to messages from my girlfriend. One morning her message dropped in my phone and it read, “Sorry but our relationship is over”. I didn’t know how to react. I had no idea how to react.
I don’t understand how break-up would be so easy for her and so disastrous for me. I still can’t believe it. This has clearly broken me beyond repair but for her it was simply like wishing good morning through a text message. This has been my worst nightmare and I wish I could delete just that one day from my life, just that one day.
When I met Blossom three years ago, I knew that I had found my soulmate. She was everything I ever wanted in a woman. She completed me. She fit me perfectly (or so I thought). Blossom was the love of my life and I wanted to marry her. She wasn’t in a hurry to get married. She wanted the courtship to last a little longer. When I look back now, I think I should have suspected that something wasn’t right.
I enjoyed waking up to cute good morning texts. I loved to plan the future with Blossom. I had things that I had dreamed of doing and I wanted to do them with her. I wanted to do life with her. I loved going to new places with the “love of your life” and trying to create memories everywhere we went.
It was obvious that our lives would be one beautiful adventure. I smile at how she’d sneak into the shower to bathe with me. I remember our special song, it was special because the lyrics spoke to us specifically. We would waltzed to the song several times a day without getting tired or bored.
Read also: Finding me
My Blossom was such a pro in the game of Chess. No matter how hard I tried, I could never beat her. Did I mention that her culinary skills were second to none?. We ate in restaurants on very rare occasions because she cooked better than even the finest chefs. This woman was an all-rounder.
Her name was so apt because she came and added color to my life. She made me “blossom”. I had met a person that changed my life during the years we spent together and I was happy. I looked forward to every single day with her.
It’s 4:17 in the morning. I can’t sleep. It has been another restless night for me. It’s been 24 days since the last time I heard her voice and 30 days since I saw her face, held her hand, and kissed her lips.
Here I am now, struggling to replay everything in my head to find out where I went wrong. How did I let this happen without seeing the signs? I guess the signs were there all along but I was blinded by what I felt for Blossom and I couldn’t see anything.
How could I be so naïve? Blossom dashed my hopes and slapped my love in my face. She fed me with pain and I have become a prisoner to sadness.
I wish I didn’t love her so much. I wish I didn’t fall hopelessly and helplessly in love with her. I wish I had taken note of the signs and seen that she’d later leave me. I wish I had known sooner that she’d tear my heart apart and leave me for someone else. I wish I could foresee what was coming for me. No. I would not stop loving her then. I would just be more prepared for what was coming. She was prepared and took me off-guard.
Every tear I shed, every knot I felt in my throat and every ache in my stomach made me feel like I was going to die. But I’ve learned that this is what heartbreak feels like.
Oh! It hurts so bad. I wish I could make this pain go away. I would lay in bed and go numb from the pain. I always wondered if she ever really loved me.
I tried. I tried so hard to fight for us, I tried to reassure her that I was deserving of her love and worth her time but every attempt just wasn’t enough. I saw my happiness and joy crumbling in front of me, everything I have wanted, slipping through my fingers.
Sometimes, all I am able to do is fake a smile and put on the facade that I am okay but I am not. I am far from it. I can’t go anywhere without something reminding me of Blossom, whether it’s a song that came on or the memory of an event. Even people would say things that reminded me of her.
Sometimes it feels like all the oxygen has been sucked from my lungs. I struggle to breathe, literally. Sometimes, my eyes get watery. It makes me weaker, physically and mentally.
Sometimes, I’m forced to listen to friends who try to console me by saying, “All good things come to an end.” That is the dumbest thing I ever heard.
But then I tell myself, ’Don’t worry, just get up now. Don’t think of her. You are a very good man. You deserve better. Everything will be all right.’ And I hope so.
My heart is bleeding. Bleeding from the pain she caused when she left me for someone else. She didn’t leave me for a rich guy.
No, she didn’t leave me for some tall, dark, and handsome dude. What hurts the most is that Blossom left me for _a woman.